Now in my walk of Faith, I'm learning to trust in God more. Not just because of the husband thing but with everything in my life. Every breath that I take, every beat of my heart. Since August of 2008 I felt that I'm at a point in my life where I'm entering a battle that will probably be the hardest. I need Trust God the most. In this year I have felt an awakening in my heart and freedom in my head. I don't feel the heavy fog I once did this time last year. I'm more at peace, I have become more in love with God.
Still, there are still questions unanswered. I know I love all Gods children and I want to help make them aware that He loves each and every one of them. Yet sometimes I find it hard to love myself. It is a daily struggle sometimes. I know I have an eating disorder and a lot of sadness still. It is a healing process which will take time. I know I need to trust in God with EVERY aspect in life. Not just some things, and like everybody else, I tend to forget and get caught up with the bad stuff. When is enough, enough? Why do I continue to struggle in some areas?? Will it make me a stronger person in Christ? When will I have my breakthrough? When will I meet a man who loves me the way I am now? What is my calling in life?
So many questions that I'm asking God. I've gone camping recently and all I did was imagine when can I do this with my own family? Husband, kid(s), dog(s) etc.?
I know I'm a good person and I have a lot of love to give. I just need to give all these questions to God, trust in Him and continue to learn His word and do what I can do now.
P.S. - Why have I chosen to write this where everybody and their mother can see? It scares the crap out of me being so open but I guess maybe sombody out there is in a similar position with their life and can relate.
~ Liz
