Trust in God

When I was about 19 years old I yelled out to God, "Don't bring any man into my life unless he is the right guy." Now at 27 I'm still single, been on a few dates with "toads", but I've never meet the right guy yet. He took me by my word when I called out to him and now it is my turn to trust in Him. I should be grateful, so much heartbreak I was able to bypass. The only heart break I've had is because I got impatient and dated a few times with guys who I wasn't supposed to be with. 

Now in my walk of Faith, I'm learning to trust in God more. Not just because of the husband thing but with everything in my life. Every breath that I take, every beat of my heart. Since August of 2008 I felt that I'm at a point in my life where I'm entering a battle that will probably be the hardest. I need Trust God the most. In this year I have felt an awakening in my heart and freedom in my head. I don't feel the heavy fog I once did this time last year. I'm more at peace, I have become more in love with God.

Still, there are still questions unanswered. I know I love all Gods children and I want to help make them aware that He loves each and every one of them. Yet sometimes I find it hard to love myself. It is a daily struggle sometimes. I know I have an eating disorder and a lot of sadness still. It is a healing process which will take time. I know I need to trust in God with EVERY aspect in life. Not just some things, and like everybody else, I tend to forget and get caught up with the bad stuff. When is enough, enough? Why do I continue to struggle in some areas?? Will it make me a stronger person in Christ? When will I have my breakthrough? When will I meet a man who loves me the way I am now? What is my calling in life? 

So many questions that I'm asking God. I've gone camping recently and all I did was imagine when can I do this with my own family? Husband, kid(s), dog(s) etc.?

I know I'm a good person and I have a lot of love to give. I just need to give all these questions to God, trust in Him and continue to learn His word and do what I can do now.

P.S. - Why have I chosen to write this where everybody and their mother can see? It scares the crap out of me being so open but I guess maybe sombody out there is in a similar position with their life and can relate.

 ~ Liz

A possible calling in my life?

An update on my life so far......

As of 05/01/09 I will be getting the keys to my own apartment!! YEAY! I am so excited! My big bills "burdens" are gone and I am catching up on the little ones. I should have all paid off by my move in date. However I won't have much money saved by then....On the other hand, I got a good deal on my apartment, I only have to pay $99.00 for my first month AND I get 3 paychecks the month of May. (pay periods fell into place that way).

I have had some frustrations at work but thank God things are working out. It is all starting to fall into place.....I do believe the way God had planned for me at this time in my life. I'm still single, but that is to be expected since the Lord above wants me to continue to work on my own things before He brings that man in my life. I'm keeping Jesus in that place and He loves me so much. I thank God for what His Son did for us on that cross!

I want to go back to school so badly. I want to go back for the right reasons, AND I want to succeed!!! I've had so many ideas over the past years on what I wanted to do but I've finally allowed God to handle that.

I know His purpose for me is with people. I have a deep love for God's children. I just haven't figured out what to do for His people.........I work for a health insurance company, I've been there for a bit over 3 years, and I believe God wants me to stay there for now. I talk to people on a daily basis and I enjoy knowing that I have helped members during their time of need; even if it is helping new parents with their benefits for maternity.

However, I feel a deep tug in the depths of my heart and soul when I help somebody with an addiction....even if it is helping them find a rehab facility. I've talked to a 17 year old girl with an eating disorder, she's called back wanting to talk to me again, I've talked to a 23 year old man who is desperately trying to get clean from drugs. The sound of their voices after I've helped them triggers a deep happiness inside of me that I’ve never had before. I believe God wants me to somehow help addicts overcome their abuses.
I’m starting to pray about this and whoever is reading this please pray for me. I’d really appreciate it!!

I don't understand some men.....and this game called "Dating"

Ok, so I have the wonderful "luck" of meeting guys that seem to show interest in me for a short period of time but then decide that they just want to be "friends" Hey, I'm cool with having guys as friends, but I CAN'T stand it when they constantly wine and moan and groan to me about why they are single.......I don't mind being there for my friends when they want to vent, but I guess what I don't like is listening to the same crap...over and over and over!!!!! I try so hard to be patient, give them support...while thinking, "Hello?! What about me? I'm single too!!" **wink wink, nudge nudge** Then, when those guys finally meet a woman and get into the relationship part,......then I don't hear from them again...or months down the road when they are either single again or bored. As if I was just thrown aside and that I didn't matter to them anymore because they found somebody else.

I completly understand that when a person is in a relationship things change; he may feel uncomfortable talking to another woman ......even though she is just a friend. Whatever. Some guys are kinda wierd like that, or the girl that they are dating has trust issues.

Latley I have been thinking, not long after my most recent man friend got a girlfriend........I have been so patient allowing God to work in my life so I can be a stronger woman. I have also been at peace even though I'm in a transitional period in life at the current moment. I am sticking to a church and trying to make more friends; trying to branch out more.........I could try a little harder with getting more hobbies :o) ..... but the 1 thing I can say that I really proud of myself is that I am not trying to bitch about is being single........pondering endlessly as to why I haven't met a good man who wants to be with me...I am really honestly trying to let God take care of things.........

I just find it hard bare when I constantly try to be the "supporter" the "friend" trying to help my "friends" with their romantic frusterations.........they bitch, moan, groan, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!! Yet not long after the hours of "MY TIME" they find somebody and I don't hear from them unless it is convienient for them....................and I am left to ponder......"Wow God, did ya forget about me? I'm the patient one here! Why haven't I met the guy You want me to be with? Why am I still single? I've been putting You first!!!! WHY???"

I'm not jealous of my girl friends who get into relationships and get married.....but I just feel like why can't I have that? Recently, I found myself starting to get bitter.......I can't be bitter.....But here is a funny little tidbit......When I was 20 I told myself, "If I'm not married by the time I'm 30 or at least in commited dating relationship heading towards marriage, I'm becoming a nun" HAHAHA! Well, I'm now 27 and as single as I can get..........so, if by the time I'm 30 (in 3 years) and still very single, I just may consider becoming a Catholic Nun.....HAHAHA!!!

I can't be bitter.....I can't be angry......I can't allow those men to suck the life out of me...(or maybe those type of people in general)....but I'm so TIRED of being the 3rd wheel....the other girl who is just a "friend" Why is God taking so long with me? Does He believe I can handle this better than others? I don't know! I can't do dating websites, or matchmakers....it makes me shudder that I have to pay others to set me up on dates or to just meet guys. Sure I'm not the bombshell beauty like other women are, I have some qualities that are decent, but I can say that most guys out there looking for 1 type of girl....sometimes I feel as if I'm constantly looked over.........All I want is the guy God promised me....is that too damn much to ask for?

Ok, I'm done venting for now.

A couple of prayers I wrote.

Okey dokey!

So for the longest time, I found it extremely difficult to pray to God without feeling like a complete fool, and then when I get those negative feelings (from the Devil, of course) I just don't pray: unless I am completely desperate. About November 2008 time frame I decided that I need to write out my feelings more (mainly in personal journals). God has actually given me the words to type up and they have turned into a few prayers. Due to repeating these prayers, I have felt the biggest spiritual change that I have had since originally going back to God for help a few years ago. What an amazing experience it has been. I look back on them, especially the first one from November and what I prayed for has come to pass.....which is totally awsome!! Not everybody will know where I am coming from, but those who have had God experiences like me. To actually put your complete trust in God can be so hard at first since we are messed up humans...lol...but once you do and actually feel and notice a change is remarkable! Who would ever want to become almost dead of thirst again when they have been able to quench the longing need of the spirit of God? I want MORE of God!!

So I decided to take these prayers out of my personal journal and share them with who ever would like to read them. I hope it helps!

MY PRAYERS

11/02/08

God this world doesn't see you the way I see you. They make a mockery of You and Your Word. They laugh at You, God. But I will be one to stand by You because I see the truth, my body is filled with your heavenly spirit. I pray Lord that you break this oppression the Enemy has placed on my heart and in my head. By the blood of your son Jesus, BREAK this bondage the Devil has placed around me for so many years. Allow these chains to fall off because the Enemy and his followers are below me! Let THEM burn for eternity in the Hell they created for themselves! For YOU God have created me for a purpose! I will follow YOU God and do what you have willed me to do! I want to walk down the path you chose for me. I want to live in Eternity with you and your saints. I am done living a mediocre life. I am done being depressed not knowing what to live for. I am DONE being controlled by this world. I want to be in the world not part of the world. I want to help those who don't know you. I want to lead them to your heavenly body. I thank you for forgiving my sins and being there when I call out to you. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being lost. I need to make You first. I pray, Lord that you give me a heart of contentment, and patience. You told me that you have a man for me but I need to make Jesus first. I need to be your bride. I thank you for being there for me, even in my blind foolishness. You promised me salvation; You will never hurt me the way the world has. You will never leave me.PSALM 51:10...CREATE IN ME A PURE HEART, OH GOD, AND RENEW A STEADFAST SPIRIT IN ME! - AMEN


12/05/08

Let it begin! Oh God, creator of all heavenly things, the king of my heart. I am captivated by your love and grace, I submit to your will. Forgive me of my past transgressions and heal my wounded heart as I walk in the direction that you have laid out before me. For Your kingdom is great and your mercy triumphs over all. So let it begin, my life, the one you have created for me as I let my worldly selfish life stay behind me in the past. – AMEN.

Judgemental Christianity?!?!

First, a little about me...................I am still very young in my walk with my Christian Faith. I have learned a lot and I have done some major growning, especially within the last 6 months. I am in a period of my life where I am at complete peace and I am not worrying very much about current circumstances and my future. Just letting life flow calmly at the moment. I know God has a plan for me; he has created me for a purpose. I don't want to just sit and do nothing, but I want to make sure what I am doing and going to do is what God wills me to do. So I'm defiantly in a learning process right now and I feel great for the first time in my life!

Yeah, I still have my issues, things that I need to work on, but I'm not depressed like I used to be. I don't stress and freak out like I used to. I just have to keep track with the Word of God and learn. I can't fall off track anymore, ever. I'm going to be 27 in Feb. and I cannot let life pass me by while I continually stick my head under dark fog, that isn't living the life God wants me to live.
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Any who, during my learning process, I've been deeply pondering things, mainly how some Christians can be so judgemental yet so hypocritical. When, during their walk in Faith, can a person run to far left field when they should be running base to base? Meaning, how does a person change to the point that they think it is OK for them to judge others to the point where it is almost hateful? Or pressuring and judging others about their own walk in Faith, when they are hardly doing anything for themselves?

There is a person I know. She says she is "born-again." But one day during a conversation about homosexuality she was confronted with a question: "What if a person you know was to open up about being attracted to the same sex?" She answered, "I would just walk away from them and have nothing to do with their life." When I heard this, I was shocked. I thought God was the final and ONLY judge? I know in the Bible it talks about homosexuality and I don't want to get deep into that subject yet since there is much I do not know. But in Matthew 6, Chapter 7, it talks about Judging others. 7:1-2 says "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with measure you use, it will be measured back to you." 7:3 continues: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

So I am still confused with how a person can change so much, basically twisting Christanity into their own version of reality? Could they get to a point where they just stop learning? Refusing to not allow God teach them on His Word? Why do they think it is right to judge somebody when e I thought God said to love others like He loves you? No matter what they do in their life? We as human beings CANNOT change others to what WE think they should be. Only GOD can change people.

If we do not agree with somebody's actions, beliefs, romantic partners, etc... how can we talk to them without coming off as judgemental? I believe we should always pray for guidence and to allow the Holy Spirit to tell us what to do. Because God will place into our heart what He wants the other person to know. God knows who will come to Him and who will reject him. So don't reject other people. Love them, pray for them, even thought that may be the only thing God wants you to do. Don't SHOVE down somebody's throat your own ideas, because they will gag it out, they will reject and walk away completly, or it will take them longer to find God's truth.

Please, I'm not asking for angry critizism, hatred, or anything negative on my blogs as responses. If you have an opinion, or advice for me, I am so very open to what you have to bring to the table. I have such a desire to seek knowledge and truth of God's word. If you are not a Christian, I still would like to know what you have to say. If this helps anybody in any way, let me know.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2009!

God bless.
Liz

Life

Does anybody realize how precious life is? How sometimes we take it for granted with the "I'll do it later" attitude. We should live our lives as if it is going to be our last. Not take anything or anybody for granted because in an instant life can change drastically. LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!!!!! Enjoy the short time we have on Earth. Let go of yesterday's anger and frustrations! Don't let the sun set on negative thinking. Smile at somebody at the grocery store or tell a loved one how much they mean to you.


Liz